A lot of times when I think that certain things I wont do coz in my opinion its not right and people do it, I get very irritated. Or things that I will normally do as basic courtesy but people dont do it, I also get irritated. Some of these things are my basic expections of being a human, dont talk about being a Christian. It is not easy being a good Christian. God never said it was. There are lot of things I get very irritated about, like being judged unfairly or shortchanged or accused or things that people do to make you angry. Yet you must learn to forgive and love each other no matter what. Dont expect too much from others, give more, expect less, Christians and non-Christians alike. How I wish that I can have so much love in me that I can just give away freely without asking anything in return. That people can treat me badly but I just grin, bear it and love them all the same. That I can expect less from people. That I can try to change people and make this world a better place. Although nothing is impossible but this seems too unrealistic sometimes.

I treat everyone as my friend. I mentioned before that I used to live in a world where I like everyone and everyone likes me or as long as I am nice to you, I expect that you will be nice to me too coz I never offended you in any way. But I have learnt that this is not the case. I learnt it the hard way. And I learnt it time and again, coz I always repeat the same mistake of trusting someone or assuming that someone is my friend. Until I get betrayed or stabbed in the back or disappointed coz everything is just one-sided and people dont treat you the way you want them to.

I am the kind that can be friends with everyone but only some that I can really click very well with. But that does not that mean that I still cant be good friends with you. My good friends range from the super guai ones to the super wild ones or some whom people may call even bitches (those who dont give a damn what you say about them). I always think that there is good in everyone no matter how bad they seem to be. I like to see the good in people and I am friends with them coz I see that good things about them.

I do not like to exclude anyone in gatherings or birthday celebrations. To me the more the merrier. I hate cliques or segegrations within a group. Close friends there are a few and these are the ones you really pour your heart to, whom you share your deepest thoughts and secrets, whom you dont have to say alot but they know what you are trying to say or mean. But good friends I have a lot. Or so I think. For me, good friends are those you can chat and have fun with hanging out together. Those that you will buy things for them as and when you feel like it or drop a note of encouragement when you notice that they are down or upset. I notice a lot about people's behaviour and I get affected by it. Therefore whenever I see my good friends not including me in stuff or didnt even notice that I am down and out, I get upset. Why? I would ask. I do that for you the last time..how come I dont get the same treatment? Maybe coz in the first place, I treat you as my good pal but you didnt? So it is one-sided? Someone once told me that there will always be cliques everywhere you go and dont expect people to treat you the way you treat them. So this is where I always get hurt. Call me extra sensitive. That's the way I am. Sometimes I really hate it. Its like how I wish I can be just void of some sentimental feelings and not to be so quick in letting people in my circle of friendship and trust.

However I am also kind that if you are mean to me, I CAN BE VERY MEAN TO YOU, especially in my fit of anger. It is just whether I want to or not. Of coz as a Christian I choose not to and I dont want to. I will still at the end of the day be nice to the person who hurt me. Coz it is just not me to stay angry with the person for long or want to be enemies with someone. I normally get over it once the day is over. But I will always remmeber the hurt. For me, it is easier to forgive than to forget. There are a lot of things I expect from people but I didnt get what I expected and that's where I get hurt. Like I said before, I wish that I can expect less and give more then I wont feel so bad if people dont give me what I expect.

Haiii