Yesterday I was very bored at home. I didnt want to go out coz I will spend more money....but then staying at home also will spend money....there is always online shopping.

So being the shopaholic me...I was trying to save money (which actually means..so that I can spend more later) so I stayed at home yesterday and I was almost bored to death. Yah I got a book to read, msn to chat, taiwanese drama serial to watch on youtube, Chloe to play with but still ...I was still bored. So bored when hubby came home, he asked me whether I want to go out, I got no place in mind to go....can you imagine that? Its like going out shopping in town and there was nothing for me to buy. Nearly impossible! But anyhow..something was wrong with me...like suddenly my mind stopped working.

Then worse of it all, I couldnt sleep at night.

Yah I didnt want to finish reading my book so fast coz I just finished one in one WHOLE day on Monday...so I paced myself and read until about 1 am. Told my hubby to sleep first coz I was not tired. Then I pacified Chloe to sleep when she suddenly woke up crying and found the room was dark and there was no one around. Then I went to bed and tossed and turned and thought alot about stuff. Stuff I thought about when I was so bored in the day. Then I got off bed, went online and started reading Xiaxue's blog which cracks me up. And then read my cousin James's blog which made me cry (his posts to his siblings were simply touching). Then I went to bed and tossed and turned again till 3 am.

Wah lau.

I contemplated staying awake until 6am to have breakfast with hubby and then send him to work. But then... I needed my beauty sleep. How can dont sleep like that? So I forced myself, cleared my mind so that I could sleep. Which eventually I did ...at 4 am.

Arrghh.

I got woken up by a call from my cousin at 9am and told myself to go back to sleep. But alas, I cant. So here I am...blogging and msning. What's wrong with me!?!!!

Luckily my mom is babysitting if not she will be so bored at home everyday. Maybe that's why she took up babysitting...hmm. I cant imagine myself staying at home everyday thinking of things to do. In other words, I cant be a stay-home Mom nor homemaker. Nope, never, no, not in a million years, over my dead body, zilch.

Which then dawned onto me, my dream of being a rich tai-tai doesnt make sense anymore!! Coz everyday I will be thinking of ways to spend my money...but I will still be bored! Coz there is no purpose in life.

Ok maybe I take that back. I can be a rich tai-tai BUT a working one. Which means I will probably open a shop or something with all the money I got. And when people asked me, why so rich still want to work, why dont you just stop working and be a tai-tai at home? To which I will reply, "ARE YOU CRAZY???? Siao ar??? Of course not! Nope, never, no, not in a million years, over my dead body, zilch!"

So there. I have been working since 2003 and prior to that studying like since I can remmeber. My mind was working all the time minus the occasional breaks and holidays here and there but still...there was an aim, a purpose and an objective. Now there is just nothing...for the moment until I start work that is. It is just pure wasting time (and money) away.

That is my aim, wasting time and money away for now till 2 May.

I cant leh. Ass.

And somehow I got this vague impression that I blogged about something similar when I was in my maternity leave. Like nothing to do at home except to take care of baby, cant go out much, cant wait to go back to work.

So I conclude, after such a long entry, that I will never retire. Coz I dont want to stop learning, I dont want to stop doing things, like having an objective. Even if I stopped working in a company, I will probably want to set up a shop. And when I have enough income to hire staff to get the shop going, I will still go back like everyday to see how things are going or work my accounts, then I will probably take up some course like learning to knit or line dance or whatever old people do.

That and plus shopping, high teas, manicures and pedicures..etc.

Of course, this opinion of mine may change over time. But as of now, my mind just needs to continue working!! On stuff...whatever it is!! Or I will bored to death, I can die. Plus I dont want to have so much free time to think about stuff. I mean thinking about your future plans is exciting and motivating, reflecting and learning from past events is totally acceptable. But thinking of past hurt and grievances is so devastating! It is like replaying the sad stuff of life over again and again and again. Nobody wants to be reminded of that. So that's why in order to move on in life after a breakup or death or whatever that makes you super sad and want to cry out to God and say "Why me??", people got to do something that makes them happy and takes their mind off thinking about such stuff. And eventually they forget and move on.

Well so...not that I am unhappy now. I just dont like to think too much which I have the tendency to.

So anyway, need to keep my mind working!! I am going out shopping now.