My Ah Ma just passed away yesterday.

Had a bad day at work on Fri...but somehow...when looking back, it wasnt that bad as I thought, it was how I reacted to it. (Rem the 90/10 principle?) The news about my Ah Ma didnt help either, it made me even more depressed. I'm still trying to take control more of my emotions and reactions.

Sometimes, things are just not as bad as I think. Sometimes, humans just like to exaggerate and think life sucks. But actually, we are so fortunate already in some ways or that we failed to appreciate the good things that we have but just focused on the bad.

I'm so thankful that I have my darling with me who really knows me and to give me advice and to really be there for me and the best thing is that he truly loves me for who I am. He said that I'm in a well...I only see things in the well and when something goes wrong, I feel so depressed and think that my life is so sad. I should climb out of this well and really look outside and see that there are others who have really good reasons to be even sadder like no family or loved ones or no food on the table. I'm already the envy of alot of pple having good family, beautiful daughter and wonderful husband which I can come home to every day after work. Somehow it translates to "I'm pampered" aka "yang or"...like little bit thing only cry cry and think life is sad...haii sometimes I think so too, haha.

Mon is his bd but my family is in mourning over the loss of my Ah Ma. I heard she left peacefully and non-painfully. I also want to leave like her when I'm old, not like in the midst of having any major illness or what. Just die out of old age, be it in my sleep or just losing consciousness like my Ah Ma.

I'm not as close to her as my Po Po, when my Po Po died, I cried like mad. When my auntie broke the news about my Ah Ma to me over the phone in a wavering/quivering voice, I was stunned for a moment and tears welled up in my eyes. Since then, every now and then, just the thought of your family members closest to you or loved ones leaving and joining the Lord in heaven just put tears in my eyes. If they were to leave at this moment, or I for that matter, what are we going to do about life right now? Resolve our differences, make peace? Just more quality time together? Do more good?

I asked this question to my Sunday School kids few weeks back. That if Christ were to come again tomorrow, or if you were to die tomorrow, will you be scared, sad or happy? Some say scared coz of death and to see the Lord coz they have been naughty. Some say sad coz will leave friends, family and whatever they have behind. Only a minority said happy. I told them that I will be happy. Coz the happiness in heaven is nothing compared to what you will enjoy on earth. I told them that in order not to be scared means that you have to be a good child and do good such that you will know that your place is secured in heaven. And that when your life flashes across your eyes on judgement, you wont be so "paiseh" that you did this and did that but happy that you have accomplished all these good things for God. And they wont be sad coz everyone you love will be with you in heaven eventually enjoying all the treasures that you have stored up there.

On Tues, my Ah Ma will be buried. May she rest in peace.