Life was sweet for me just a few weeks ago, it was almost too good to be true. My other half asked for my hand in marriage at a Parents-meet-the-Parents session. My parents-to-be were late and as they apologised in mandarin once they reached the restuarant, I quickly pulled my boyfriend aside and told him that my father doesn't understand chinese. The conversation was almost immediately switched to english and all things went on well from there. Conversation topics include the Pope, the casino and finally..marriage. During dessert, Uncle asked my darling if there is anything he wants to say. Although caught unaware, my darling turned to my parents and began his wonderful speech. All eyes were on him as he recollected the years spent together and the obstacles we had to overcome. Seeing the future of US together, he told my parents that he hopes that they will give us their blessings and agree to our marriage. Almost immediately, my father went "ok lor!" and my mum reiterated. Just two words and they have given their daughter away. There wasn't any arguments on which church our wedding ceremony is going to be held. Nor were there any signs of unhappiness on my parents' faces. All was well. Like as if.

A week ago early in the morning, my mum came into my room and started complaining about her unhappiness with me and my marriage. She asked why we cant have the wedding held in a Catholic church instead of a Christian church. If our wedding was to be held in a Christian church, she and the rest of the family members will boycott the marriage. She began crying as she said that as a parent who brought me up for the whole 24 years of my life, she has the right to say something about my wedding. "They are marrying MY DAUGHTER you know. Why can't I have a say??" I asked her why she didnt bring this up during the meet-the-parents session. She complained that at that kind of situation she was unable to speak up and she has been unhappy eversince. She felt that she has to say something before anything else and that's why this sudden outburst. She started her nagging about me being unfilial and that I am so afraid of my boyfriend that I have to give in to him. She also said that all I want is love and nothing else not even family, family to me is unimportant. As she started her accusations, hot tears streamed down my face and I started defending myself. The argument got heated up as both parties raised their voices amidst the sobbing. She continued her usual nagging that I come home late everyday, that I didnt spend time with my family, that when I reached home if they try to talk to me I will not answer or communicate with them. I said that every time I come home, she will start her nagging. As days go past, I will naturally stop talking to her and let her say what she want. If I talk back like my bro always does, she will say that that is rude, so learning from the mistakes of my brother I just let her rant on and on and I just keep quiet. Now she says that there is no form of communication. So she prefer if everyday I start quarrelling with her so that there is some form of communication??

The conversation will be never-ending as even when my mum left the room, things were still hanging in mid-air. So now how? Are we getting married at all? If so where? How? Just when you things are going on well, things start to fall. I dont want to ask God why are things happening this way. In some way I stopped asking him already. Things happen for a reason, maybe God wants me to learn something through life's obstacles. I am just living each day as it goes, with the faith and hope that things will work out as He won't give me problems I wont be able to handle. I just need to pray more.

Like I said, when you are up, the next step is down. This not only applied to my marriage plans but also my work. Just a few weeks ago, I thought "hey this is not too bad. I am actually enjoying my work." Suddenly since last week, I am so stressed I walk in to work everyday with a heavy and reluctant heart. I have so many complains about my work, I just don't know where to begin typing here. Again, I don't want to ask why things turned out this way. I am really just living each day as it goes. The worse thing was that my period came during this low period which turned things from bad to worse. The only thing I look forward to everyday is spending time with my boyfriend after work. Even going home makes me feel down when I have to talk to my mum. There are hardly any conversations with my dad anymore. Haii....I just feel that this is one of my down-est time ever.

Since I am so down now, I really hope the next step is up. Life, oh life.